The Congress of Oz

A Satire

Photo by Todd Trapani on Pexels.com

Dorothy Democrat awoke. “What is this strange place I have suddenly landed? I don’t think we are in the state of Kindness anymore.”

There was a voice beside her. “You have landed in the congress of Oz. A strange and wondrous place where the diminutive democrats have become the greatest number in the land.”

“And who are you?”

“I am Nancy, the newly appointed good speaker of the house of congress.”

“But how did I get here?” asked Dorothy.

“There was a great and powerful wave that you rode. You looked so majestic coming here. Mind you, the wave really petered out by the time you arrived, so it was more of ripple by then. But still majestic.”

Dorothy looked around. She saw the small withered and diminishing feet of a small man running away.

“Who was that?”

“That was the wicked republican speaker of Wisconsin. It looked like your wave was going to come crashing down on him, so he decided to bug out before you got here.”

“You know so much.” A happy strawman came up to her.

“Who are you?” asked Dorothy.

“I am just a Scarecrow. I don’t have much in the way of brains.”

“That’s so sad. I will put you in charge of the democrats’ campaign.”

Another, man came up to her. “We are so glad you are here. I am so inflexible. My body is made of tin. I can’t change and just keeping doing the same thing again and again.”

“Good,” said Dorothy. We shall put you in charge of strategic planning for the campaign.”

A loud gruff man came up to her. “Listen here. I can take you on. Just because you are new here, you can’t tell us what to do.”

Dorothy figuratively smacked the imprudent man’s nose. He recoiled. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude. I’ll be polite.”

“Good. You can be in charge of the tougher media campaign.

“Well, I didn’t ask to come here,” said Dorothy. Well, maybe I did. But we will have to work together. Who is in charge here? Who can give us directions?”

“Just follow the yellow bricks of gold road,” said the small voice inside her head. “There you will find the greatest wizard of all who can guide you further.”

Dorothy and her companions followed the road to the mighty Soaring Soros Skyscraper.

“We must see the Wizard,” said Dorothy. “Only he can guide us further.”

The Wizard’s servants admitted her rag tag group.

There was a voice behind the green curtain of money. She could not tell what he was, but he sounded authoritative and he had this green curtain of money. “What do you want?” said the voice

“We want to go back to the state Kindness.”

“I can grant your greatest wish,” said the voice.

“But, you must bring the hair of the wicked warlock of the west wing of the White House.”

“But, to do that, we would have to impeach the warlock! How would that be possible?”

“You will have to find a way.”

They left, but the warlock learned of their plans. And he sent his awful army of mindless flying senate monkeys to impede her.

The senate monkeys had their grand leader. The flying monkey king. MiMc had cast out many a poor immigrant.

The flying monkey king grabbed Dorothy and took her to the warlock.

The wicked warlock of the west wing of the White House descended from his Air Force One rotary broom flying contraption. He had mastered the science of flight, but not the cause of global warming. His hair, oblivious to the winds, stood in a death embrace with his skull.

“You ain’t got much time,” he bellowed to everyone and no one. “I know the best spells. And everything wrong with the country is your fault. Everything good about this country is only because of me.”

“But I just got here.”

“That just don’t matter. Give me back what you stole using fake news and fraudulent voters. Give me back the ruby hall of congress.”

“But I can’t. The people gave congress to the democrats.”

Her friends looked at the locked down compound guarded by the senate monkeys.

“How can we get her back?”

“We can draw him out. Begin the congressional investigation hearings. He will have no choice.

In the blink of $100 million dollars, Dorothy’s friends produced the report detailing emoluments and severe tax avoidance. Not strictly illegal, but what can you get for $100 million these days.

They got the report to Dorothy, who was locked away in the White House in a series of hopeless meetings in an attempt to create by-partisan arrangements and a way to get out of this gridlock.

The warlock angrily approached her.

“I am full of anger. Time’s up. Give me back congress. Or you will greatly suffer in many suffering greatly ways. And your little democrat states too.”

Dorothy grabbed the report and threw it at him. The report grazed the warlock’s hair, and they all ended up in federal court. Including the hair.

The court declared a breach of many federal laws that the warlock had not had a chance to amend in his favor.

“Oh no,” cried the warlock. “I am melting from memory! I am melting.”

After a moment, there appeared to be only a stain on the country’s history. Soon to be mopped up.

Dorothy grabbed the impeachment proceedings and made her way back to the Wizard and Nancy.

“The wicked warlock of the west wing of the White House is no more!”

The Wizard and Nancy were pleased and said that Dorothy could go back and take over the White House whenever she wanted.

Dorothy cried, “There’s no place like the White House. There’s no place like the White House. There’s no place like the White House.” 

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